PART IV: My Bestfriend Kissed Me

December 19, 2009

         Is this really the end of everything? God has better plans than ours. He always knows what’s best for us. Though sometimes, it would be very difficult for us to understand what He is fund on doing with our lives, all we have to do is to entrust everything to Him. As we submit our lives to Him, every decision and sacrifices we made for Him should be in joy. Rejoice instead weeping that we lost because His steadfast love is enough to fulfill our purpose in lives. We will never lose things because we have Him. 

          I’m more comfortable now. It’s very sorrowful but at least, I had followed His revelations in my life. Awhile ago, Ate Angel and Ella checked if I safely arrived home last night. Instead of Ella bidding goodnight, she asked me about Christian and what’s really in us. I was very nervous then and I only answered that we had a not-so serious relationship but we really like each other with limitations. I hate the fact that I set limitations but I still allowed him to kiss me again last night. I’m very ashamed of myself.  Ella told me to tell Pastor James everything. God speaks mostly through His people and I should listen and follow.  Every move and decision we make should be pleasing to God and according to Him even sometimes it’s hard for us to understand why.
Afterwards, I told Christian everything. This time, I let God to speak through me. I told him that there will come a time that I have to decide to be on my own. I really care for him a lot but God has better plan than this and I have to follow Him whatever it takes. I don’t know but I think Christian wasn’t able to understand what I’m trying to imply enough. He got angry and he told me that it’s going to be his last text. He needs space and we’ll talk personally after I go back from Singapore for a week. It was mixed emotions. It’s sorrowful because, in any moment, I’m losing him. Secondly, it’s really joyful because I followed entirely God’s instructions. I feel so worried of him because he might find another and he’ll prove me I’m just worthless and he doesn’t need me in his life anymore. Whatever it is, these are only emotions. My purpose is to fulfill God’s plans for me. I’ll keep praying for Christian spiritual health and I know God won’t let him to continue again with his wrong path of life. I really care for him and I entrust God everything. I love you Christian. God, please, make him stay but if it’s not Your will, I’m asking for strength to get over it and glorify Your name alone.