PART II: My Bestfriend

This is the next part. :)

Written last October 28, 2009.

"On this day, I want to be happy. I want to feel his love even if it’s not real or even if it’s just love for a best friend. I know it’s a reverse situation. I can never bring again the past that he had liked me before. I just can only admit that it’s me who likes him now and I have no idea if he still feels the same way too. I should not expect, never.

Each and every day, my feelings for him grow stronger. Whether I am with him or I am alone missing him. I don’t know exactly if it is love. It is just that I want to make special things for him. When he’s not around, I miss him a lot and think about him so much. And when he’s there, I can’t almost breathe. My heart beats faster and the time runs so slow. If I had any wish for that moment, it is to be with him for a longer time or for the time to stop. I love to stare at his face. Smile when he smiles at me. Tease back when he keeps on teasing me." 

Then late in the evening that day, I've written this.

"Okay. So here how it goes, I did it. I already told him that I love him. This is it. I have no regrets though but my heart is breaking. I don’t know what to feel. I feel so numb. I feel so crazy for doing this. But what can I do, I don’t want to get to the point that I’m going to lose him without doing anything. What do you think? Am I hideous? Do my words sound silly?"