Done! :p

Whew! I can't believe it. Done with my first three stories. I'm very sleepy now. Still thinking about of posting the fourth story. It's really a confidential one. Awww. Good night guys! :) Happy reading! :D

PART V: My Bestfriend Kissed Me

December 19, 2009. (Ending Message)

I never thought it would turn out this way. It was really a very hard decision. God, I’m entrusting you everything. Please help me.

How does it feels when almost everybody is against your relationship? Your friends, for how many years, left you. Your family doesn’t seem to like him that much and God seems to see that you, two, are in the wrong track. You can’t even tell anybody about your relationship because you already knew they can’t give sympathy on you. And when all these reasons seem to convince you, at the back of your mind, you still continue what you have started. Despite of all the hindrances and differences the two of you have, you can’t help but accept everything about you and him. Would you believe that this guy had numerous One-Night-Stand relationships? It’s threatening. He has a lot of vices. Though it seems he’s trying to change to have a better life, it will take a very long time to see him proving things that he can change and be a righteous man. It’s more threatening then, because the start was so awful. Okay, I admit, I like that very moment. But not everything we like and everything we are happy about are all right. We should face the reality than to be blind because of what we knew about so-called ‘love’.

You knew that I came with them at a bar. Though I didn’t drink, we slept together. He knew everything that I really like him. That’s why I believe he has that strength to take me for granted. He kissed me. We didn’t do anything further than that. God knows. But his moves that moment seem to want more than just a kiss. I just simply pushed him away and nothing more happened. But I know, it’s still so wrong. How can I ever sleep with a guy? Am I not a Christian who had no fears on doing such? I don’t know. It’s just a kiss but it really left guilt in my heart.


I wanted to go back to start where we can have our limits, a moment where I can already gain respect from him. Before, every time I try to talk to him seriously we ended up laughing. If he only knew how much I love him, how much I cherish every moment that I’m with him. And despite of everything he is, I do still want to accept everything about him, to embrace his every differences. If only I had this choice to be with him forever. I am not that perfect too. But in this world, nothing is really permanent. I just don’t want to last years with him and ended up practically strangers just like what Jerome and I ended up.

Christian is really special to me. We really jive together and I can’t take that we’re going to end that way to. It’s very overwhelming if that will happen. That’s why I can’t believe there’s going to be a forever in ‘us’. And now that I’m trying to be honest about what the world think about us, he was hurt. It’s awful. Making him feel that way is thrice as I feel. Argh! If only I could make you feel any better with letting you still know about everything. It’s really hard.
If we’re better to be as best friends because we’re going to last forever then can we choose that? I don’t want to have a long-term relationship with you that will just end to trash again. You’re really special to me Christian, more than Jerome, that’s why I’m looking for possibilities that whatever we have now, I’m praying that it would last forever. But God only knows and we have to trust Him.

I’ll keep on praying for you that you’ll seek salvation through earning a wonderful relationship with Jesus. And if it means that I have to let you go no matter how I want you to stay, I will, because it is God’s will and having a good relationship with Christ, Our Savior is more important that anything in this world. Someday, you’ll going to understand everything. I never wanted to let you down. I really, really love you. Please wait for me and am going to wait for you too. No matter how long it takes just to be with you forever, I’ll take the risk.  I hope, in God’s perfect time, you’ll be able to understand. Someday, you’ll be able to entrust everything to God and to let your every decision guided by Him not only to our own limited mind. It might not look always wonderful but it always ends wonderful. 

(Upon reading this, I hope it won’t change anything we already have. I love you so much but I would never be selfish to let you know of the real truth in my life. If this contains anything that will make you leave me, I’ll deal with it and try to be happy for you as much as I can be because it’s your chosen decision and I can’t argue with you about that. No matter how much pain it is going to bring me, I’ll still smile with you. I will still love you how long and how sorrowful it takes. You’re very precious to me but God loves you and cares for you much more that I can do. He knows more what’s best for you. Trust Him, CJ. He’s our every hope, our life. He’ll make us keep going. Love him the way He loves you. There’s always a certain reason why such things happen in our lives. He only wants what’s best for you. Have faith in Him, CJ. Whatever it takes, I’ll keep on loving the very you, everything in you.)

PART IV: My Bestfriend Kissed Me

December 19, 2009

         Is this really the end of everything? God has better plans than ours. He always knows what’s best for us. Though sometimes, it would be very difficult for us to understand what He is fund on doing with our lives, all we have to do is to entrust everything to Him. As we submit our lives to Him, every decision and sacrifices we made for Him should be in joy. Rejoice instead weeping that we lost because His steadfast love is enough to fulfill our purpose in lives. We will never lose things because we have Him. 

          I’m more comfortable now. It’s very sorrowful but at least, I had followed His revelations in my life. Awhile ago, Ate Angel and Ella checked if I safely arrived home last night. Instead of Ella bidding goodnight, she asked me about Christian and what’s really in us. I was very nervous then and I only answered that we had a not-so serious relationship but we really like each other with limitations. I hate the fact that I set limitations but I still allowed him to kiss me again last night. I’m very ashamed of myself.  Ella told me to tell Pastor James everything. God speaks mostly through His people and I should listen and follow.  Every move and decision we make should be pleasing to God and according to Him even sometimes it’s hard for us to understand why.
Afterwards, I told Christian everything. This time, I let God to speak through me. I told him that there will come a time that I have to decide to be on my own. I really care for him a lot but God has better plan than this and I have to follow Him whatever it takes. I don’t know but I think Christian wasn’t able to understand what I’m trying to imply enough. He got angry and he told me that it’s going to be his last text. He needs space and we’ll talk personally after I go back from Singapore for a week. It was mixed emotions. It’s sorrowful because, in any moment, I’m losing him. Secondly, it’s really joyful because I followed entirely God’s instructions. I feel so worried of him because he might find another and he’ll prove me I’m just worthless and he doesn’t need me in his life anymore. Whatever it is, these are only emotions. My purpose is to fulfill God’s plans for me. I’ll keep praying for Christian spiritual health and I know God won’t let him to continue again with his wrong path of life. I really care for him and I entrust God everything. I love you Christian. God, please, make him stay but if it’s not Your will, I’m asking for strength to get over it and glorify Your name alone.

PART III: My Bestfriend Kissed Me

December 18, 2009

I feel sick. My tonsil isn’t normal. It’s hard for me to gulp but it is okay. Well anyway, yesterday was very memorable. Peter, Christian and I attended four events in a day from 8am to 10pm. In the morning, we have an outreach at Mandaluyong City Jail, Women Section. It was a project of our college so we were with the CCMIT Faculty, iBits and CCMIT-SC officers. The place is very overwhelming. It had a bad smell and it’s a bit creepy. But things are very beyond what the place looks like. At the fourth floor, there is place for programs just like this, outreach program. The detainees were there and other group had already started their program. I never thought that they’re not as different as how I think of the prisoners before. I can’t imagine why they were there. The detainees had presented an interpretative dance about the unconditional love of a mother to a criminal son. We, all, almost cry but when the acting judge committed a mistake on her dialogue, we can’t help but laugh. There’s also been portraying the role of Death and she’s really creepy. After that, we give our donations and embrace most of the detainees to bid goodbye. Upon leaving the Jail, Sir Inovero and I got very interested with the necklace that the detainees sell there. I am about to pay my chosen necklace when Sir Inovero treated me. It was very overwhelming joy. It’s really memorable to me. God really has wonderful plans to every one of us. It might seem to be very vague in our limited mind but we just need to entrust Him everything. Then we might be very fascinated with His works in our lives when He revealed His greatness because it’s more than we can imagine.

From Mandaluyong City Jail, we returned to our coaster and we thought we’re going back to our school. It was around 10:30am then. The faculty teachers were really joyful to be with. I never thought they’re got to be as hospitable as they did to us, students. All we know is we’re going back to PUP but then one Faculty told us that we’re heading Tramway to join them for lunch. iBits officers headed back to school and the CCMiT-SC officers left with the other faculty in Tramway. It includes us, Christian and I. Peter is a CCMIT-SC officer. It was very great to be with them. It was actually my first time to eat at Eat-All-You-Can restaurant. Christine and another CCMIT-SC officer were also there. It’s Pau. We eat and eat a lot but Christian ate a lot the most. I can’t believe Pau is Peter’s ex-girlfriend. She’s really beautiful. Well, anyway, around 2pm, we had finished our lunch. We took pictures with our Professors as our memorabilia.
Before we return to school for the PeaceMakers and PUPJM Christmas Party, we visited ABS CBN. We took pictures at Big Brother’s House and PDA House too. After taking pictures, we headed to MRT. We were at Cubao then and we took free taste of some iced tea there. Only Peter, Christian and I left then to ride a jeep heading to Stop&Shop. I thought we were so late then but when we arrived, my orgmates weren’t there yet. Ella came first. Afterwards, Ptr. James, Ate Jomil and Ate Angel came with foods. Before eating our merienda, we had a Godly discussion with Ptr. James. It was God who really manifested with Peter and Christian’s heart. I keep on praying that they will fully accept God in their lives and let Him the driver of their lives.

After eating, around 6pm, we attended PUPJM Christmas Party. It started at 7pm I think. We sang songs of Praises to God and worshipped Him. Everything belongs to Him. Every minute counts and it’s really precious. The facilitators had also prepared games and the three of us joined of course. It was really fun. The day ended for God with joy.

Since, it’s going to be the last day and the last time for this year that Christian and I will be together, he sent me home again instead of visiting me at our house the next day. I know he’s really tired as Peter is but he still chose to be with me. Peter had almost known that we really had a relationship. I don’t know what to do but it happened already. When I’m almost home, he kissed me on the cheek and whispered “I love you”. Cheesy! He kissed me on the lips thrice and I kissed him back on his right cheek. He embraced me and I can feel that he’s really going to miss me as much as I’ll do. Well, that’s goodbye for now and I’m praying that there’s still going to be “us” in 2010.

PART II: My Bestfriend Kissed Me

December 15, 2009.

Yesterday has been a real blessing for us. I really missed my old friends in CS 4-2. Kuya Mac, Angelo, Kuya Elnar and Angel had been great friends with me since I was still a first year student in college. I missed Kuya Mac even more because we haven’t talked for quite a long time. I embraced him with a joyful soul. Angelo and I also had a quick talk about what’s going on with our life. When Christian knew that I was with them, he was a bit jealous and he hanged the phone though I’m still talking. I was a bit irritated but it doesn’t matter because somehow it’s my fault. I said sorry then and he’s not that angry so there had been no conflict occurred. Rb is very lame and he didn’t really even bother to smile at me. I ate lunch with Ray and he told stories about his new girl friend, Pink. Beyond all these things, I know the weight of the tension between me and Superiors. 

Around 1pm, we attended the Windows 7 launch and it was really great. I was sitting beside Christian and Kenneth then. After the launching, we sat outside the Library and took some pictures. We also went to gym to pass our Lantern. It was really awesome. It’s very, very beautiful. Afterwards, I joined Peter, Christian and AJ to buy groceries at Pure Gold. They were very playful and I can’t help but just laugh with them. The groceries will be donated at Mandaluyong City Jail on Thursday. I’m so excited for that very day. 

On the other hand, Christian really makes me feel special each and every minute. Well, I don’t have anything to say but I’m so happy to be just his best friend. I mean, the way we treat each other is like best friends but we know in ourselves that it’s more than that. But for others, it’s for them to figure out what’s really with Christian and me.

PART I: My Bestfriend Kissed Me

It was written last December 11, 2009.

        It was a typical day. No. It was been a very extraordinary and one of the most important day. It is already 1:30am and I can’t sleep yet so I decided to do something great before sleeping. Looking back, it was very glad to know that last Tuesday Christian joined us in our meeting on Peace Makers. God declares it’s got to be the start. I’m praying very hard that everything will be according to God’s plan. Next week is our Christmas Party and he’s going to join us there. It will really be a great blessing.

        Today, my classmates decided to continue constructing Lantern for the contest on Monday. I thought it was already on Friday but it was moved three days after. I arrived there at already 3pm. I was so late because I should be there at 1pm. Upon arriving, they already teased me why Christian was gone for a long time and everything else about us. I can’t help but just smile. I have nothing to say but just laugh at them and all. At 5pm, Kenneth, Ellis and I decided to buy some food outside school. I forgot my School ID but we still decided to go out and buy food there. We saw Christian and Kim walking along to school. I feel like deceived that it just look like him but it was really him. Oh well, Kenneth and Ellis decided to let me join them instead. I was so surprised that he also brought Fit&Right for me. I feel so special, really. 

        When we pass through the guard, it’s not surprisingly that he confronted me about my ID. I told him that I left it in my bag inside the school but he still did not allow me to enter. I was about to get my ID on my own but Christian volunteered himself and Kim was left with me. After some quite while, Kim left too. Christian was really angry with the guard and though it’s not good thing, I feel overwhelmed and protected by him. He really cares for me but I tried to stop him to start such fight because of my very mistake. He’s really temperamental, a real man. 

         Finally, we reached SC and he still had a bad face. He teased me to kiss or hug him so he’ll be relieved from anger but of course I refused to do so. Yay! Shortly, our classmates teased us uncontrollably. It started when I almost decided to go home and Christian blocked me. He told me to stay a longer time and there they were. I really can’t fake that I’m feeling good about it. I can’t help but keep smiling and laughing the way they teased me. Christian also told me that he’ll send me to Cubao so I could stay with them longer. I just said that I believe it’s just a joke so he had proven me he’s serious. They kept teasing us and honestly, it felt so great though it’s kind of uncomfortable. They’re really precious to me. I’m keeping them and I believe when God’s perfect time comes, I’ll be able to share the goodness and righteousness of God and they will be saved too. Well, that’s all for tonight and I really thank God so much for everything that’s happening to me. Some are maybe not that good to look at but it’s still a blessing and everything happens for a reason. It’s because He has perfect plans in our lives. 

         On the other hand, when I reached home, I fell asleep and wasn’t able to replied to his texts. I wasn’t also had a chance to inform him that I’m home already. He kept calling me and it woke me up. He’s very angry and told me not to do it again. I apologized and he told me that he’s just worried about me. It felt so great. He’s really protective and all. Every now and then, he makes me feel more secure. I was fascinated when he already told me he loves me for the very first time. I can’t reply quickly and I can’t just breathe easily. Every feeling was so unique and it really captivates me every moment. That made me think every moment was a surprise and a gift.

PART V: My Bestfriend II

So this got to be the last part of "My Bestfriend II".


Here how it goes, it was written last December 10, 2009:

"Everything seems to be fine. Everything’s going great. Though it seems to be very complicated because of Kim’s birthday celebration, it was still wonderful that it became fruitful. Christian thinks I am his girlfriend but I can’t just be dealing with this easily. He had hurt many girls and a typical bad boy. I don’t still feel secure to him. Most importantly, he’s not still a Christian. So I only have to wait while God is working on it. I believe Christian is a good man but it’s not God’s perfect time for us. Though I can feel that sometimes I want to be just in love with him, I can’t just be it.

On the other hand, Superiors got so angry with me because of what happened last Saturday night. I know it was awful and it’s so wrong to happen but it just happened. I feel so sorry about it and ask Him for forgiveness. God knows everything and we had an agreement that it’s not going to happen again. I never thought that my so-called friends would ever treat me that way. It was really disappointing. I know it’s my fault but good friends don’t leave you that way behind, right?

Yesterday, I planned to pass my graduation papers in school. Christian and Kim accompanied with me and three of us passed our papers. After that, Kim went home already and Christian attended their SSD presentation. I preferred to wait for him at Chapel around 5pm. I never felt that kind of tranquility. The place was so peaceful. The air is so refreshing that moves the gentle trees around the structure. I almost fell asleep. It was already 6pm then, and Christian is still not around. I wanted to go home already so I walk around the school and texted him if he could still come with me. He pleaded me to wait for me a bit because they’re done already. I never thought he was rushing towards me. He really still wants to see and be with me. It was overwhelming.

            We ate fish balls at Teresa and he decided to send me home. I thought he was just kidding. Does this mean he’s really serious about me? It was very unusual that when we were in the van already, we were seated apart. I brought him at our Mini Mall and tour him around. We had a long walk until we reached my home. My parents met him and asked me if he’s my boyfriend but I denied. That was it. It was really very happy but still confused. He doesn’t still tell me that he loves me. So that’s the biggest reason why can’t I be comfortable with our situation. But still, I am thankful having him, my best friend."